Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
