so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I love how my cats smell like pot.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
