just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
