Kiss
Puke
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
