YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
