maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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