Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
