The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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