Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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