oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
