you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
