Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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