She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
