mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
