do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
