He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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