how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
