I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
