final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
