i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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