I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
