Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
