Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
