remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
