Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
