A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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