He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
