umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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