The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
