tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
