my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
