What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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