hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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