i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
