we're blogging at a bar
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
