You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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