Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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