Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
