i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
