The maid of honor just puked.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
