I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
