i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
