im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was a blind-side dick pic.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
