you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
