You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
