Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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