I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
