woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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