Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
