Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
