Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i out mim tonsoeep
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