I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
