Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
