Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
