Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
