we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
