My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
